Early Fall Contra Dance

Fall has always been a little difficult. It's not that there is no redeeming quality but I have been more of a Spring Summer person up to now. I have usually had more financial stress in the fall and my father died suddenly in September years ago.

Sure, the first breaths of cool, crisp air are a welcome relief from the tiresome heat and humidity of summer. Unlike Spring, Fall holds the promise of shorter days, dropping temperatures, things dying off and eventually the kind of days that no one will go out in.

Advantages - easier to "work" because there is less outdoor distraction.

The Summer was always a time to travel and spend outdoors, Fall a time to return to work routines and feeling renewed. The decay could then be overlooked.
I think we somehow need to find a way to accept death, decay, dying off, unexpected and unwelcome endings as a way towards growth and renewal. Does God only give us what we can handle? Does what does not kill you make you stronger? Does everything happen for a reason? Well yes - let me rephrase - for a reason that might make sense for us personally? Why might we want to even take a "positive" view when negativity might seem easier?

Recently, the contradictions and dualities of life teeter on the edge of overwhelming. Yet I feel blessed and excited by the possibilities of life. How is it possible to feel threatened by a void, unsure of the value of past or future decisions, confused as to the next step while at the same time looking forward to a future with eager anticipation and some certainty that all will be OK?
Was I raised that way? (I think so) Is it a decision? (Yes) Is it a logical conclusion?

I guess (duh) that nothing is ever simple.
I want to write about the demise of my former working life and the challenges of my personal life; the ideas that have helped me to cope, that fascinate me, excite me and frustrate me.

If this seems inane, silly, stupid or dull - get out now! By keeping these short I am more likely to keep it up. I am easily distracted and have at times been doggedly procrastinative.